


Of All The Possibilities

by Sojmilk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Aromanticism, Asexuality, Cute, F/F, Fluff, Fluffy, Happy, Highschool AU, LGBT, LGBT+, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:19:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8274304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sojmilk/pseuds/Sojmilk
Summary: Castiel is going to school for the first time. Dean Winchester befriends him, and tries to keep an eye on Sammy at the same time. (Discontinued)





	1. Monday

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time dabbling in the dark arts of an AU, so I hope it works out.  
> I do not own any of the characters who come directly from the show "Supernatural"

**7:30 am**

**Castiel**

  
  


_ It’s my first day, it’s my first day, it’s my first day… _

Castiel sprang out of bed, anxiety a tight ball in his chest.

Up until this day, he had been homeschooled by his dad.

But now…

Papa had a new job. One that required him out of the house. One that meant he couldn’t homeschool Cas.

So, here he was. First day of school. 

At seventeen.

_ They’re going to want to know why I’ve never been to school before, they’re going to tease me, they’re going to hate me _

Intrusive thoughts hurtled around his head, making him queasy.

In the kitchen, Papa handed him a cup of tea.

“Drink this,” he said, and Castiel gratefully took the steaming mug.

“I know you’re nervous, Cassy, but it’s going to be all right. You’ll be fine. Just you wait,” he reassured.

Cas nodded, comforted, but not cured of the scratching in his chest.

Papa checked the time, stood up, and patted Cas’ shoulder. 

“See you for dinner,” he said, and then he left.

 

Alone in the house, it seemed plausible to simply not go to school. But Castiel struggled through the voice whispering to him that he could “just go back to bed”, and shouldered his satchel.

It was time.

 

**8:30 am**

**Dean**

  
  


It was time.

Dean picked up Sammy’s bag and tossed it to him. The younger boy caught it with ease, and together they left the house.

The impala started without any hiccups, and soon it was roaring down the cold, dry Canadian road, into town. 

It was silent outside, and in.

Eventually, Dean spoke.

“You’re going to be ok.”

Sam nodded, thin-lipped, but didn’t reply.

Dean took his eyes off the road for a moment to study his brother’s face.

“I mean it, Sammy. It’s going to be better here, I promise.”

Sam sighed.

“You say that, Dean, but you can’t make it happen. You’re not a tough-guy type, and neither am I. You can’t protect me, and...neither can I…”

Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“Bullshit. I’m a tough-guy type when it comes to looking after my little brother.”

He got a small smile in return for his bluffing.

They both knew that Dean couldn’t - or rather - wouldn’t hurt anybody.

 

The hallways of Hillock high were unnervingly empty, with only a few students at their lockers. 

“Sammy, I can come with you to find your class if you want...you don’t have to do this alone, you know,” Dean muttered.

Sam looked up at him. “You’d do that?” he asked, voice trembling. Dean could feel the anxiety radiating off him.

He glanced at the clock. The bell would go in a couple of minutes.

“Of course,” he said. “Come on, what do you have first?”

 

**8:45 am**

**Castiel**

 

HIs first class was History. He had studied his map attentively before leaving his car, afraid to get lost, and located his class, which was in C block, on the west wing. He found his way there, and discovered that he was first inside.

The teacher, a tall woman of undeterminable age, was seated at the front of the classroom. She looked up as Castiel entered.

“Hi, I’m uh- I’m Castiel Novak, I- I’m new,” he spluttered. His first contact with a school official did not seem to be going well.

“Hi, Castiel,” she said, her voice sharp, but welcoming. 

“I’m Ms Bernhard. You can choose a seat anywhere, we don’t have fixed seating in this school.”

He smiled gratefully, and chose a seat near the back. 

The bell rang, and more students began to file in. A few of them glanced at him in curiosity, but most just chose their seats, and began chatting to their friends. 

Castiel was alone in the back row. He already felt like an outcast.

Ms Bernhard stood up, and faced the class.

“Good morning, class. This is a new year, and although many of you were in my class last year, there are a few who may not know each other yet. So, let’s start with any ice-breaker, shall we?”

She started with a kid at the front of the class.

“Ok, tell us your name, a couple of things about you, your favourite historical event, and why.”

The kid shifted in their seat.

“Hi, I’m uh - Ko. A couple of things about me - uh, well, I’m agender, so if you could use gender-neutral pronouns, I’d be grateful. Uh, my favourite historical event - Mulan, saving China, because it’s such a representative and inspiring story.”

Mrs Bernhard nodded, smiled, and said, “thank you, Ko. Ok, next?”

So it went on. As it came closer to being Castiel’s turn, the ball of anxiety in his chest got larger and larger. He felt it in his throat.

In the middle of Marc explaining why the Trojan horse was his favourite incident in history, a boy burst in.

“Sorry Mrs Bernhard, it’s my brother’s first day, I was helping him find his class,” he said, tripping over his words. “Here - I have a note - ”

He handed it to her, and stared at the class. He was attractive, Castiel couldn’t help but notice. The boy made eye contact with him, and he ducked his head.

When he looked up again, it was to see the latecomer sliding into the chair next to his.

He smiled hesitantly, and was surprised to receive one back.

It was his turn to introduce himself. He felt colour in his cheeks.

“Uh, h-hi, I’m Castiel. I like bees, and uh, Elvis. My favourite historical event is Copernicus’ discoveries because he was the first to realise, and take action on the fact that the way astronomy was accepted didn’t make sense, if - does that make sense?” He ended, voice wavering.

“Yes, thank you, Castiel,” Mrs Bernhard told him. The boy in the seat next to Cas smiled, looking impressed, and he felt the flush in his cheeks flare up again.

A chair scraped. The boy was leaning back. “My name is Dean. I love cars, and playing guitar, and my favourite historical event is Lizzy Borden’s case, which - I guess - you might not count as a historical event, but, I like it because it’s interesting. It provokes thought.”

Cas stared at the boy - at Dean. He was wearing a worn leather jacket over plaid, and his sandy hair stuck up at the front. He glanced at Cas, who managed a smile.

Class began, and he was soon busy taking notes on the causes and consequences of the Russian Revolution of 1917. 

He was jotting down a paragraph about how communism played a part in the revolution when Dean slid a piece of paper, folded in half, onto Castiel’s desk.

He paused a moment before unfolding the scrap of refill, and reading what was written on it.

_ You’re new?  _

Cas scribbled his reply underneath the message.

_ Yes.  _

He handed it back to Dean, who glanced at it, and went back to writing notes. Castiel, disappointed, turned back to his own paper.

Fifteen minutes later, the paper was placed back on his desk. Eagerly, he read what Dean had written.

_ I thought so. So tell me, Castiel, where do you come from? What’s your story?  _

Cas inhaled sharply, the anxiety in his chest growing again, a physical form.

_ I’ve lived here all my life. I was homeschooled all my life, but my dad can’t work from home anymore, so I had to come to school. _

With shaking fingers, he passed Dean the note. Why was he telling him he was homeschooled? He was going to think he was a freak.

The wiry fear in his chest was only growing bigger.

He watched the clock, willing it to go faster, so it could just -  _ finally _ \- be over.

And then the paper was on his desk again.

Wracked with anxiety, he read it.

_ Dude, that’s pretty cool. I mean, public school sucks, but you seem nice, and we probably wouldn’t have met if you hadn’t started coming here, right? _

Relief flooded him. Dean didn’t think he was a freak - or if he did, he was being kind about it. 

_ Yeah, I guess that’s true. And it doesn’t seem too bad. Yet.  _

Class ended, and Cas packed his books up. Dean waited for him.

“So, Castiel. What class do you have next?”

  
  


**10:20**

**Dean**

  
  


Castiel had this really serious face, and big eyes, and Dean was going to  be honest; he was hot. 

Assembly was hot, and sticky, and the smell of so many bodies in one, cramped hall, left Dean feeling a little nauseous. He was worried about Sammy. Was he ok? God, he hoped so.

The bell rang, and, after muttering a quick “I’ll catch you later” to Castiel, he was out the door, in search of his brother.

He spotted him near the library. Sam was talking to somebody. 

Dean caught his eye, waved furiously. Sam smiled, and waved back. But he didn’t seem to need any assistance.

Dean turned and walked back to the steps in front of the hall. Castiel was still there.

“A-are you ok?” he asked, his low voice cutting into Dean’s train of thought.

Dean nodded.

“Yeah. I was just checking up on my kid brother.”

_ He doesn’t need you _ said the voice in his mind.

_ He doesn’t want you. _


	2. Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas are dorky dorks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that on mobile the format is a little off, so if you're reading on your phone, sorry.

7:30 am

Castiel

  
  


He dragged himself out of bed, a foggy mind from lack of sleep.

_ Why’d I stay up so late to talk to him?  _ He thought, and then smiled.

_ I stayed up late talking to him. _

He dressed with a happy demeanour, pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt before making his way to the kitchen. His good mood was dampened a little, though,  when he saw that Papa had already left, leaving only a note, and some fresh coffee.

_ I don’t drink coffee. _

He made himself some toast, and poured a mug of tea. Not long until the had to leave.

He stuck some toast in his mouth and hurried out the door

  
  


8:00

Dean

 

He and Sam arrived early. Sam didn’t ask why Dean was in such a hurry to get to school.

Dean didn’t tell him.

 

8:05

Castiel

 

Cas pulled into the school parking lot, and noticed a Chevy Impala over the other side. It was a gorgeous car. He didn’t see anybody in it, and so on his way inside, he stopped to have a look.

It was in perfect condition, despite being - what - forty years old? Give or take a little.

His hand hovered over the bonnet. He could see its reflection in the carefully-waxed surface. Whoever owned this car must take very good care of it.

“Hey! That’s my car.” a voice behind him said.

Cas nearly jumped out of his skin, and whirled around.

A boy, maybe fourteen, was standing there. He definitely wasn’t old enough to drive the car, but maybe he had an older sibling at school.

“Oh - sorry, I was just having a look,” Castiel explained.

“Well look all you want, but don’t touch. That’s my brother’s pride and joy. You get a scratch on it and you’ll be sorry,” the boy replied.

“Yeah. Sorry,” Cas said again. The boy folded his arms and looked pointedly at him. Feeling utterly confused at being scolded so accurately by the younger boy, Cas shrugged, and walked inside.

  
  


8:10 am

Dean

  
  


_ This  _ is _ his locker, right?  _

Dean looked nervously at the slip of paper from the office. Yes, this was Castiel Novak’s locker. 

He slipped his hand into his pocket, searching for the note he’d written last night, pumped on adrenaline.

A glance down the hallway assured him that there was nobody watching, and he posted the note through the slats in the locker door.

Sammy had gone back to the car to get his jumper. He’d probably be back soon.

The sound of somebody’s shoes squeaking up the hallway made Dean jump. He turned around, heart pounding. It was Castiel. He looked happy to see him.

“Dean!” Cas called, waving.

Dean waved back, grinning.

A chill wind blew around Dean’s legs as he waited for Cas to reach him. He shivered a little in his leather jacket.

“Hey, I like your jumper,” he said. 

Castiel blushed, something Dean had noticed he did a lot. It was endearing.

“Thanks,” he said, looking at his feet.

The jumper was a pale blue, which brought out the other boy’s eyes, and it was made of a soft-looking knitted material.

“Did you get enough sleep last night?” Cas asked, bringing his eyes up to Dean’s face again.

The question caught Dean off-guard. They’d both been up until past midnight, talking to each other.

“Oh - yeah. I’m used to running on just a few hours,” he replied. In the holidays, when he helped his dad out at work, they’d usually get home at about two am, and then up again for six.

“Well, you’re lucky,” Cas grumbled. “When I was homeschooled we didn’t start until ten, usually. I’m beat.”

Dean laughed. 

“You’ll get used to it,” he said, a smile in his voice.

Cas looked at him for a long moment, his expression indistinguishable. Dean felt the blood in his cheeks rush to the surface. 

_ How does he make me feel like this? I barely even know him... _

At that moment, Sam appeared. He gave Cas a confused look, and then said to Dean, “I”m going to go sit with Ruth and Cameron, ok?”

Dean looked at his younger brother, trying to quell the jealous feelings.

All his life, Dean had been the main person in Sam’s life. Dad wasn’t around a whole lot, and Sam had trouble making friends at school.

But, here he was, the second day here, and he’d already made friends. Dean was proud of him.

“Ok. I’ll see you around, Sammy,” he said, ruffling Sam’s hair as he walked off.

Castiel was giving him a weird look.

“That’s your brother?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean replied.

“Huh.”   
  


 

1:43 pm

Castiel

  
  


Eating lunch with Dean already felt safe, and familiar. Dean didn’t seem to have a set group of friends, and so the two of them sat together on the field. 

Dean was complaining about the difficulty of his English homework, so Cas offered to have a look.

It was easy, really, all that Dean really needed to do was memorize some quotes from the novel he was studying, and learn how to write a bibliography correctly.

Dean still looked confused.

_ I know how to do this...I could help him out, right? _ _  
_ “I uh, I could look over the novel with you after school, if you’d like?”

Dean stared at him, gratitude and another emotion Cas couldn’t quite distinguish written all over his face.

“You’d do that? Honestly, Cas, that would be amazing,” he said.

Cas blushed. It was the first time Dean had used his nickname.

The bell went.

“Ah! Ok, er, we can meet in the carpark and make a plan after class?” 

Dean voiced his agreement, and they split.

2:40

Castiel

  
  


He couldn’t focus on  _ The Illiad.  _ His mind was whirling and his face was aching from smiling. Butterflies pounded on the walls of his stomach. 

_ How does he make me feel like this? I barely even know him… _

“Castiel, could you please read us the passage we’ve been studying?” Mr Bright, the classics teacher, called out.

Castiel stood up and read the passage clearly.

He had to focus.

_ Don’t think about Dean. _

_ Don’t - oops. _

 

3:30

Dean

  
  


He leaned against the side of the Impala. Waiting.

Where was Castiel?   
  
3:30

Castiel

  
  


_ He’s probably already gone. He doesn’t really want to study after school. Or - he does, but only for the studying - he doesn’t want your company. _

Cas studied his knuckles, rapidly turning white from clenching his fists.

_ You need to go outside now. _

 

3:35

Dean

 

“Cas!”

He spotted him, finally, walking towards him.

“Sorry,” Cas said, jogging over. “I got a bit caught up.”

“Hey, no problem. Are you ok? You look a bit pale,” Dean replied, studying Cas’ face with concern. 

Cas blushed. 

_ Well, he’s not pale anymore _ , thought Dean, a smile spreading across his face.

“So, shall we go to your place?” Cas asked.

Dean panicked.

“Uh - well -”

He wracked his brain, trying to think of an excuse.

“Or we could go to my place, if you’d rather?” Cas said. “I just figured you probably had to take Sam home.”

Dean exhaled, relieved.

“Uh, no, he’s getting a lift home from one of his friends’ parents. Your place sounds fine.”

Cas smiled, his cheeks pink.

_ God, he’s so cute _

“Ok, I’ll follow you. You have your own car, right?”

Cas nodded.

“Yep. It’s not far. See you soon!”

  
  
  


3:50

Dean

  
  


_ Wow. _

Cas’ house was incredible. It wasn’t huge, but it was gorgeous.

There was a garden overflowing with flowers, and inside, paintings hung on every wall.

“Who painted these?”

Cas looked at where Dean was pointing, a small cluster of paintings of bees.

“Oh!” 

He blushed. 

“Those, uh, those are mine.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “Seriously? These are amazing!”

Castiel smiled happily, and led the way to the kitchen.

Dean was amazed at the house. It was just so -

_  - Beautiful. _

He dragged his eyes from Cas, and back to his surroundings.

Castiel made tea, and Dean wandered around the kitchen.

There were dozens of potplants, and they filled the air with a fresh smell.

_ Lavender, aloe vera, cyclamen… _

Dean named the plants that he recognised.

“Here’s your tea. Do you want to start on your bibliography now?”

Dean whirled around.

“OH,” he said.

“SHIT,” he said.

He’d left all his English work in his locker.

He explained this to Castiel, who suggested they go back for it.

_ Oh. He really  _ is _ only in this for the studying. _

“They lock all the doors at four. We’re too late.”

Cas glanced down at his tea, and then back at Dean.

“W-well, if you want, we can just - just hang out?”

_ Yes! I’d love to! _

“Sounds nice to me,” Dean said, taking a seat at the kitchen table, and lifting the tea to his mouth.

He took a sip, and  his tastebuds thanked him. The tea was sort of floral, and fragrant. 

“Oh my God!”

Cas looked at him, alarmed.

“What?”

“This tea is amazing!” Dean replied, and then blushed.

“I mean - it’s really good. I’ve just - never had tea like this before.”   
Castiel choked with laughter on his own tea.

“Dude, it’s just Earl Grey. Well, French Earl Grey.”

Dean beamed.

“It’s -” he put on a British accent, “ - marvellous.”

 

4:15

Castiel

  
  
  


_ Dean is adorable,  _ Castiel realised suddenly.

The other boy, sitting across from him, dropped puns and one-liners into conversation so easily, laughed at his own jokes, and seemed astounded by the tea.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” he asked abruptly.

Dean looked suddenly forlorn.

“Oh. Um. Well, I’d like to, but -”

_ He doesn’t want to. _

“ - I need to make dinner for Sammy,” Dean finished.

“Oh. That’s  - that’s fine. I understand.”

Castiel poured himself some more tea to busy himself so as not to look too downcast. 

“Sorry.”

Dean really  _ did  _  sound sorry, and Cas decided to believe him. 

“It’s really ok. Another time, maybe?”

Dean nodded, honestly looking like he’d like that, and Cas felt his spirits rise again.

“More tea?”

“Oh mercy - yes, yes  _ please _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what fucking dorks


	3. Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean have another conversation via notes, and some discoveries are made.

8:00

Castiel

 

_ SHIT _

He’d slept in. 

He threw on his clothes and was in his car within five minutes. He hoped he arrived with some spare time.

He wanted to speak to Dean.

 

8:15

Castiel

 

Somehow, he made it to school in nearly half the time it normally would have taken.

He went to his locker first, to pick up his books for the day. As he pulled open the door, a slip of paper fell out, and fluttered to the floor.

He bent down to read it.

 

_ Castiel _

_ You have cornflowers in place of eyes _

_ And a bow in place of lips _

_ And your words must be arrows _

_ Because your mouth sent them flying at me _

_ Where they stuck _

_ In _

_ My _

_ Heart. _

 

His heart pounded. Who was it from?

His mind went immediately to Dean but - that was silly. Dean was the most heterosexual-looking guy Cas had ever met.

_ But he does seem to really like you… _

The optimistic part of him sang a cheery song, but Castiel tried not to listen. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.

  
  
  


8:45

Dean

  
  


_ Cas must be running late, _ he thought, sliding into his seat in History. 

Just then, Castiel burst through the door, shot an apologetic look at Mrs Bernhard, and took his seat beside Dean, who noticed the burning flush across Cas’ cheeks.

After the initial introduction to the lesson, once they had begun their bookwork, Dean slid a note onto Cas’ desk.

_ Why were you late? And...why the blushing? _

Cas took the note, but didn’t reply for several minutes.

_ I woke up late, had to rush to get here. It’s not blushing! Just redness from physical exertion. _

Dean read the reply, and his stomach dropped. He’d hoped that Cas had found the note. Apparently not.

_ I thought maybe you’d had an encounter with a girl ;) _

He passed the note across, fake cheeriness. It hurt him to pretend. But...Cas was probably straight.

  
  


8:55

Castiel

 

_ I thought maybe you’d had an encounter with a girl ;) _

Cas’ heart sunk. He’d hoped that Dean would have mentioned the note, if it were him. But…

_ So it wasn’t him, after all. _

He thought of the idea of an “encounter” with a girl, and his stomach lurched in protest. 

_ Dean, I’ve only known you for a little while, but I feel if you’re going to be friends with me, you should probably know this: I’m gay. _

Castiel stared at the note he’d written for what seemed like forever, before pushing it to the side in frustration. 

_ Haha I wish ;) _

He handed the new note over dejectedly.

  
  


10:15

Dean

  
  


After Cas’ extremely hetero note, they’d stopped corresponding, and focused on their work. 

A few minutes before the bell would go, Cas went to the bathroom. 

Dean packed up his books, and then, looking at the time, packed up Cas’ as well. 

As he picked up his binder, a slip of paper fell out. The one they’d been passing previously.

Something was written on it - something different to what Dean had received.

Dean told himself that he shouldn’t - but he couldn’t help it, and he picked it up.

_ Dean, I’ve only known you for a little while, but I feel if you’re going to be friends with me, you should probably know this: I’m gay. _

He felt his heart pound.

It...it was true? Cas really was gay?

True or not, he’d be back soon. Dean decided to risk it, and scribbled a reply before stuffing it into Cas’ bag.

_ I’m queer too. _

No sooner had he done so, he regretted it. It had probably been a joke - and even if it wasn’t, what we he thinking, using the word “queer”? A lot of people used it detrimentally. What if Castiel thought he was being rude?   
He was about to reach into the bag and retrieve it when Cas returned. He raised an eyebrow at the empty desk just as the bell went. 

“Thanks for packing up my books, Dean,” he said in his serious voice.

“It’s not a problem,” Dean replied, doing his best to keep his own voice from quavering.

Castiel shot him a weird look as they split for homeroom, but didn’t say anything else other than, “see you at interval,”.

  
  


2:00 pm

Castiel

  
  


Castiel was on his way to his locker to retrieve his camera for Photography class. He’d realised, too, that he was still lugging around his History and Classics books - having both classes in one day led to a heavy bag - and so had plans to drop them off.

He opened his locker and was taking out his books, putting them in their places when -

The discarded note fell out of his workbook.

He reached down to pick it up, put it in the trash, and froze.

Underneath his messy writing was a line of neat script in blue ink.

_ I’m queer too. _

It was Dean’s handwriting.

Dean was queer.

Dean knew that  _ he  _ was queer.

_ Oh fuck, what do I do now? _

  
  


3:30

Dean

  
  


Internalized screaming had been Dean’s soundtrack all day.

_ Castiel knows that I’m queer Castiel is queer Castie l knwos queer  am i _

He thought about the note. 

Maybe he  _ had _ found it, after all.

Dean was simultaneously terrified and excited, and, whilst waiting for Sam on the hood of the Impala, hoped to see Cas before he left.

Cas didn’t show.

Sam did, though.

“Dean! Let’s go!” Sam said in way of greeting, hopping into the passenger seat.

“Alright, alright,” Dean replied, buckling his seatbelt. “Why the hurry?”

“Bad day,” Sam replied, staring out the window.

This was a red flag. 

“Is it happening again?” Dean asked, cautiously.

Sam shook his head. 

“Let’s just go home,” he said.

Dean complied.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day!! Wow, don't expect me to keep this up.  
> I've made a couple of changes to chapter two, because of inconsistency.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter in all its gayness.


	4. Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean have another conversation in History (they need to learn to focus on their schoolwork) and it leads to pleasant happenings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that yesterday's chapter was written in a comatose state, but that this chapter was written during the daylight hours, and I'm awake.  
> I hope you enjoy ^u^

8:45 am

Castiel

  
  


Cas entered the classroom nervously. Dean hadn’t arrived yet, and Cas relaxed.

He took his seat, and reached for his books. The note from yesterday was still wedged in his folder. He stared at it for a moment, and then stuffed it into his pocket.

“Hey,” said Dean, sliding in beside him.

Cas smiled nervously.

“H-hey.”

The first note was on his desk in a matter of moments.

_ I read the other note. I’m sorry. _

Castiel’s heart hammered against his ribs.

_ I know. It’s ok. You...you’re really like me? _ _  
_ He passed it back, and heard Dean’s quiet chuckle.

_ Yes, I’m queer. And...I’m really attracted to you, Castiel. _

So...it was true. Dean really  _ did _ fancy him.

Cas gripped the desk, his knuckles turning white as he breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, sounding concerned. “Are you ok?”

Cas nodded, scribbled his reply, and handed it over.

_ I’m fine. I’m...more than fine. I feel the same way. _

A sharp inhale beside him notified him that Dean had read it.

And then -

A hand fitted into his own.

Castiel was so surprised that he squeaked - barely audible, but Dean heard it.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand, warm against his chilly fingers.

_ He feels the same. _

The thought was in both their minds, and they wore identical smiles.

  
  


3:20

Dean

  
  


Somehow, he’d managed to get through his day without imploding.

He hadn’t been able to see Castiel since History ended, as he was needed to stay in after homeroom to discuss future careers,and he skipped lunch to catch up on his English work. 

Ok, maybe he was avoiding Cas - just a little - out of nervousness.

The shocking revelations of the last couple of days were flying around his head, and by the time school finished, he had to get them out. 

“Sammy,” he said, running up to his little brother. “Sammy, there’s something I really have to do. Could you take the bus home? Is that ok? Please?”

Sam nodded, quiet.

“Buddy, if you need me to take you home instead - “ Dean breathed. “ - That’s fine.”

Sam shook his head. “No. That’s ok, I can take the bus.”

Dean studied his brother’s face, searching for a clue to explain his behaviour. “Are you sure?” he asked, concerned.

Sam nodded again. Smiled. 

“Yeah, Dean, I’m sure. If you need to stay out late, I can make myself dinner.We’ve got  lot of mac’n’cheese,” the younger boy said, his tone even.

Dean smiled. “Thanks, Sammy,” he said. 

Sam nodded, waved goodbye, and raced to the bus. Dean watched him go for a moment, and then turned to head back to the carpark. 

He spotted Castiel just in time, getting into his car.

“Cas!” He called, waving.

Cas looked surprised to see him, but not displeased.

“Hey!” Dean panted, running up to him. “I uh, was wondering if you’d like to do something. Thought it might be nice...you and me.”

He grinned at Cas’ face. 

“That’s a yes then?”

Cas laughed.

“Definitely. But - what about Sam?”

Dean shrugged. “He’s got dinner. He’ll be ok.”

Cas nodded. “Then - yes. Very yes.”

Dean beamed, his chest feeling ready to burst.

“Cool. That’s - that’s awesome. Shall we go to your place first?”

Cas nodded happily.

“See you soon,” he said.

Dean walked away, trying not to let the happiness erupt in giggles as he went.

 

4:00

Castiel

  
  


_ Dean Winchester fancies me. And he’s at my house. Holding my hand. _

Castiel looked down at his hand, at his fingers wrapped around Dean’s and smiled. He could barely believe it.

_ But...I barely know him.  _

Unwelcome thoughts crept in now and then, but Cas did his best to keep them out.

 

They were drinking tea again, sitting on the back porch. The sweet smell of flowers in the crisp air, sun warming the wooden floor. Cas wriggled his bare feet, enjoying the warm sunshine.

They were talking about films. Old films, new films, horror films, chick-flicks…

Dean knew a lot about movies, Cas soon discovered. He was a great lover of old black-and-whites.

“I uh, have a video player in my room, if you’d like to watch one later?” He ventured, hoping that this time, Dean would be able to stay later than Tuesday.

Dean’s eyes lit up. “Seriously? That’s so cool! I’d love to,” he said, enthusiastic.

_ He’s so sweet, _ Castiel thought, relishing the pressure of Dean’s fingers on his.

 

The autumn evening came in quickly, gusts of wind sweeping mounds of leaves through the air, which had quickly become cold.

“Let’s go inside,” said Cas, squeezing Dean’s hand as he stood up. Dean smiled in response, and followed him.

“What time does your dad get home?” he asked of Cas, leaning on the kitchen counter as Castiel put the kettle on to boil again.

“About nine, usually, but Thursdays and Fridays he’s home at midnight at the earliest,” Cas replied, pouring steaming water over two fresh teabags.

Dean frowned. “Huh. I kinda got the impression that he was around more than that.”

Cas shrugged. “Yeah, well, that used to be the case, but not anymore. But - what about your dad - if you don’t mind me asking? - I just noticed that you seem to be the one caring for Sam most of the time.”

Cas was aware that he may be walking on eggshells, but he wanted to get to know this sweet, beautiful boy better. 

Dean accepted the new mug from Cas. “Yeah, uhm, after our mom died in a house fire, Dad got kinda distant. He’s working a lot. I work with him in the holidays, and Sammy too, sometimes. But in the school year, I take responsibility for the little one.”

Castiel ached to ask what the work was, but he sensed he’d asked enough, for now.

“Hey, are you here for dinner?”

Dean looked up.

“Yeah! I mean - if that’s ok?”

Cas grinned. “More than ok.”

 

They finished their tea, and then, whilst Cas boiled some pasta and chopped up some spinach, Dean went searching for some music. 

 

“Dude, you have a  _ record player? _ ” He called from the next room.

Cas laughed. “Yes. There are records in the cabinet by the TV, if you wanna look through them,” he replied.

A couple of minutes later, one of Cas’ favourite U2 records started playing.

Dean drifted back into the kitchen, swaying to the beat. 

“This quality is amazing,” he said, picking up a knife to help with dinner.

Cas glanced at him - there was something so sincere and perfect in his stature, in his voice, and it struck a chord in him. He put down his knife.

“Dance with me, Dean Winchester,” he said, holding up his hands. 

Dean looked momentarily surprised, but recovered quickly. He, too, put down his knife, and fitted his hands with Cas’.

 

_ Baby, baby, baby...light my way _

 

Bono’s voice filled the room, and Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester swayed together, their hearts beating together, their breathing shallow, and the room fading until it was only them.

 

“We barely know each other,” whispered Castiel.

Dean nodded.

“Enough to know that I would give anything to kiss you right now,” he replied, his voice even softer than Cas’.

Cas looked into the green eyes that held him in their grasp, and reached up, his lips brushing that perfect smile.

His eyelids fluttered closed as Dean responded.

Cas shifted back to his heels, off his toes, eyes still closed.

“The only thing,” he said. “That you need to give to kiss me, is a kiss from you.”

Dean smiled, nestled his head into Cas’s collar.

The song was finishing. Dean whispered the words.

“You know this band?” Cas asked, surprised.

“Yes. This is...my favourite song.”

Cas smiled, surprised.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, and was interrupted by the hissing sound of the pot on the stove overflowing onto the element.

“Shit!” Castiel exclaimed, pulling from the embrace, and dashing to the stove.

  
  


6:30

Dean

  
  


The pasta was a little overcooked, but the reason for its stickiness by far made up for it.

They ate in the lounge, laughing and singing along to the U2 record. Afterwards, they did the dishes together, and then, at 7:30, they went to Cas’ room to watch a movie.

“Wow.”

Dean thought that, after seeing the incredible house, Cas’ room would be the same, but it was so intensely beautiful that he couldn’t help the exclamation.

The walls were painted, presumably by Castiel, with bees, and stars, and flowers. It was gorgeous.

Cas blushed, and showed Dean his video collection.

Dean chose ‘Schindler’s list’, despite Cas’ warnings.

They had to stop it halfway through, because Dean couldn’t hear anymore over his sobbing.

“Hey, hey, hey, I know,” said Cas, cradling the over-emotional boy. “I  _ told _ you, you dummy.”

Dean sniffed. “I know, I thought I could take it. A-apparently not.”

Cas giggled. “Yeah. Apparently not.”

After Dean wiped his face and nose, he checked the time.

“Hey, I better go,” he said, voice heavy with regret.

“Yeah. Ok,” Castiel replied.

Dean gazed at him.

“May I…?”

Cas nodded, and Dean kissed him gently.

“See you tomorrow, Winchester,” he said, as Dean exited.

“See you, angel boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaa they're so precious.  
> If you want to listen to the song, It's called "Ultraviolet (Light my Way)", and it's by U2.


	5. Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel battles with confusion, but finds the time for a calming Autumn walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of the characters from the TV show "Supernatural" but I DO own Carissa!   
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit shorter and a bit different than the others, but it's a transitional one, so be patient with me ;-;

Friday

  
  


6:00 am

Castiel

  
  


_ “See you, angel boy,” _

Dean’s words had circulated in his head all night, keeping him awake. 

_ Angel Boy. _

What the hell did he mean by that?   
Of course, he wasn’t complaining - the sweet name had left Cas’ heart pounding.

 

He’d woken before his alarm that morning, mind still spinning.

Eventually, he dragged himself out of bed, choosing his clothes somewhat more carefully than the last  few days, as he actually had time before he’d have to leave for school.

He picked out a yellow jumper with cabling, and his favourite soft blue jeans. 

In the kitchen, Dad was pouring a cup of steaming coffee. 

“Morning, Castiel,” he said.

“Hey Dad. How was work yesterday?”

His father groaned. “Tiring. Poor sods keep coming to me asking for things. Money. Health. Their dead sister back. I’m not God, for Pete’s sake!”

Cas grimaced in sympathy, and poured some tea.

“Hey, Cassy, we’re almost out of coffee, and eggs and a few other things, would you mind doing some groceries for me after school? I don’t have any time off today, and I’m not getting off until god-knows-when.”   
Cas slid a kitchen chair back, and sat down at his cereal bowl. “Sure. Just write up a list before you leave, and I’ll get it done.”

He received a nod in thanks.

“So - since you’re up earlier than usual - how’s school going?” He winked. “Met any cute boys yet?”

Castiel blushed. “It’s - it’s great, actually. I’m enjoying my classes, and I’ve made a few friends, sort of, and there  _ is _ a cute boy, actually, but please don’t ask me about him now, I’m trying to keep the blushing to a minimum today.”

His dad chuckled. “Ok. Well, if you want to bring him around for dinner anytime soon -” he winked again, and stood up, scraping his chair on the floor. 

“I’ve got to be off, Cassy boy, so -” he dropped a kiss onto Cas’ hair. “ - I will see you tonight. I’ll leave a list on the counter of the things we need.” He scribbled on a piece of paper.

“And I’ll try to be home for dinner. We can order pizza, yeah?”

Cas grinned. He loved pizza nights. 

“Sounds good to me. Have a good day, dad!” he said, waving his father off.

 

Half an hour later, he was in his car, on the way to school. It was going to be a good day.

  
  
  


8:30

Castiel

 

Where was Dean?

Of course, Dean wasn’t obliged to be there before school started. Castiel eventually resigned himself to waiting until interval.

Spanish class dragged on and on as Cas revised his vocab, filling in worksheet after worksheet. Finally, the bell rang, and as soon as homeroom was done, Cas bolted outside. 

It was raining. The sky was clouded over with heavy, grey clouds, and the rain pounded onto the field, spraying mud and grass.

Castiel had no idea where to go. He’d thought...he’d thought that in the case of rain, he’d have Dean with him to decide where to sit.

A tight fist clenching his chest again, he made his way to the library, and sat near the back, ignoring the food in his bag, and trying to ignore the stares he feared were being aimed his way.

He put his headphones in, and lost himself in the consuming sounds of Bono’s superb voice.

It took the length of one album and half a song (Where the Streets Have No Name) for the bell to ring. Dejectedly, Cas trudged to his next class. Biology.

He nearly didn’t notice the boy entering the next classroom that stared at him.

When he finally looked up, a smile split his face.

“Dean!” 

Dean grinned, and waved, but Cas noticed that there was something distracted about his expression.

They went their separate ways, and waited for the bell to ring.

 

12:14

Dean

 

He chatted absent-mindedly to Carissa, the long-haired girl who sat next to him throughout physics. By the end of the lesson, she’d decided she would be sitting with him at lunch.

“Uh - oh. I um, I sit with somebody already,” he said.

“I know. That’s ok,” she said, and punched his arm.

Dean rubbed the spot where she’d hit him, confused, and went back to the formula he was deciphering.

 

Once the bell had rung, Dean waited outside the Biology room for Cas. Carissa insisted on waiting with him.

“I want to wait for him!” she said.

Cas exited a little late, looking flustered.

“Dean!” He said. And then, “Carrie!”

Dean looked from one to the other, bemused.

“You uh, know each other?” He asked.

“Yeah, Cas and I are  photography partners,” Carrie replied. “ _ And  _ we take Spanish together.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. This was news to him.

“Well,” he said, falling into step, “It’s still raining, so how about we sit under cover by the hall?”

Carissa and Cas both agreed, and they made a posse on the cold concrete by the steps of the main hall.

Cas and Carissa chatted away, but Dean was unusually quiet. He watched Cas with a sadness in his eyes that was more prominent than usual.

Carissa finished her burger, and leaned back onto Dean’s lap.

“Dude,” she said. “Nice thighs.” 

Dean blushed, and pushed her off.

Cas watched this, and frowned.

 

1:15 pm

Castiel

 

Dean was acting strangely. He laughed, and he made jokes, but he sat stiffly and purposefully away from Cas, and he kept checking his watch.

“Hey,” Cas muttered to him while Carrie perused her timetable. “Are you ok?” 

Dean took a breath, as if to say something, but apparently changed his mind, because he closed his mouth, and simply nodded.

Cas, unsatisfied, fell silent, and could only bring himself to half-listen to Carrie’s chatter for the rest of the lunch break.

“Bye, Dean Winchester,” he said as they picked up their bags when the bell rang.

“Bye Castiel,” Dean replied. Cas hung his head and took himself to his next class.

 

3:30

Castiel

 

Consulting the grocery list, Cas picked out items off the shelves in the store, and took them to the counter.

He trudged home slowly, staring at the grey sky, which no longer wept, but was still gloomy. Huge piles of orange and red leaves lined the pavement, and he kicked one of them. It brought a smile to his face to see them take flight on the wind, and weave around his feet.

The smell of cinnamon caused his stomach to growl. A food truck was offering hot chocolates and cinnamon buns for a bargain price. Cas dug through his pockets for spare change, and indulged in the Autumn treat.

With his stomach no longer empty, his mood began to noticeably lift.

_ So what if Dean was acting weirdly? It was Autumn. Halloween would come soon. The leaves are falling. It’s a beautiful scene right here, a perfect photographic opportunity, actually. _

He pulled his camera from his bag, and took a few shots.

The afternoon sun suddenly broke through the grey clouds, and the scene was seemingly afire. 

*

Cas must have spent over an hour taking photos, lost in the perfect world of Autumn scenery. His trance was broken abruptly when the rain started again, and he stuffed his camera back into his bag, and ran home.

To his surprise, his dad was already there, wrapped in an old woolen cardigan, and making coffee. The kitchen was filled with a warm smell.

“Cas,” his father said, and wrapped him in a hug. 

“Hi, Dad,” Castiel replied, returning the embrace. “What’s in the oven?”

“Sweet buns and muffins,” was the answer.

Cas put away the groceries, and made some tea.

Despite the nagging and unpleasant thoughts in the back of his mind, he was able to enjoy the evening. He and his dad ate pizza and played board games, and they laughed, and Cas felt content.

And it wasn’t until he finally fell into bed that he realised he wouldn’t see Dean until Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight well. The next chapters will have a completely different format, as we're entering a new part of the story. I expect to come back to this format at some point, but for now I'll be entering a more traditional style of narrating.


	6. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the days leading up to Halloween, the atmosphere between Castiel and Dean is strained. Eventually, at a Halloween party, Cas plucks up his courage to ask Dean about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween special! Yay!  
> Happy Halloween, angels and demons.  
> This is another midnight-haze-induced chapter, so forgive me (also I've inhaled a lot of chilli powder this evening so I'm not sure how that may affect my keeping-things-un-smutty. We'll see ;;;;))))))

It was the week before Halloween. Decorations were up, and costumes were assembled. The sky held its grey overcast cover fairly steadily, subsiding only once or twice.

Cas had been busy painting almost every afternoon after school. The autumn colours were so beautiful and vibrant that he couldn't stop himself preserving them forever on canvas. But he knew that, despite his genuine interest in painting the leaves as they fell, he was immersing himself in art for another reason, too.

Dean had been acting so strangely, seeming distant, upset. Castiel was too afraid to approach him about it. He felt like the special... _something_  between them from Wednesday had been - not quite forgotten, but - avoided. The distance between them was slowly eating him up, and he found that he felt constantly sick to his stomach with sorrow and anxiousness. He and Dean hadn't spent any time alone together since Wednesday. Castiel found himself gazing at Dean in a lovesick sort of way, which Carrie noticed, and approached him about.

"Cas, are you and Dean ok?"

Castiel started, fumbling his books as he took them out of his bag in Spanish. "Uh - yeah, we're fine. Nothing's...nothing's wrong."  
Carrie looked at him in a discerning way, and pursed her lips. 

"No, I don't think that's true. Look, Cas, we've only been friends for about a month, but you're easy to read. Something happened." She leaned forward across their table toward him. 

"Castiel, do you love him?"

"What!?"

She smiled. "Look, I know you're gay. It's ok."

Castiel twisted his brows together. "You...what? How?"

"Oh geeze - dude, look at you. You are  _so_ gay."

"Carrie, I like you a lot, but I'm kind of sick of straight people telling me that- "

Carrie snorted, shooting a glob of saliva across the table. Castiel watched incredulously as she progressively lost her shit, laughing until she had to clutch her stomach.

"What? What did I say?" 

Carrie took a deep breath. "You - you thought that I'm straight, oh my god, that was - " she snorted again " - the funniest thing I've heard in a while."

Castiel was taken aback. "You're...not straight?"  
"God, no. I'm the most openly-gay person in this entire school - how did you not know that? You're oblivious!"  
Cas started to laugh, too.

"I thought - I thought you were straight! Oh my god."

Once they'd finished giggling, Carissa looked Cas in the eyes, and said, "Ok, so, you. Gay. In love with Dean?"

Castiel felt a blush creeping up his neck and warming his ears.

"Well - I wouldn't say  _love,_ but I certainly...have a thing for him, yes."  
This was met with a squeal. 

"I knew it! You two would make the cutest couple."

Cas' smile faltered. "Uh - yeah. I guess."

"So...what's been happening with you two?"

Before he knew it, Castiel was blurting out the entire thing - his feelings for Dean, the kisses, the sudden distance. Carissa listened, and didn't interrupt, just waited until he finished.

"I'm...I'm so sorry. Cas, I had no idea there  _was_ anything, I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I just wish I knew  _why_."  
She patted his hand. "It's all going to be o-gay."

"Fuck you, your puns, and all your children."

*

On the 30th, a Friday, Carrie told them about a party she was going to for Halloween. 

"My friend Jaime is throwing a Halloween party - he's in his twenties, and has his own place, and he's so sweet, it's going to be amazing, and Lane is going to be there - " Dean leaned in towards Cas. "Lane is Carrie's crush," he whispered. Carissa shoved him, and continued.

" - and  _Lane_ is going to be there, and there's free alcohol, and I'm so excited, I'm dressing as a witch, I'm so ex-fucking-cited, Dean!"

Dean laughed. "I can tell."

"Hang on," Carrie said, "What if you guys came? Jaime said to invite friends if I wanted to, and you're my friends. You in, Castiel?

Castiel certainly was. He loved Halloween. He looked at Dean. "What about you?"

"Um, yeah, sure, why not?" Dean replied. "What time, where?"

Carrie gave them both directions and instructions on time, dress, and what to bring.

 

*

The 31st dawned, a Saturday, cold and bright. The sky had cleared for the special day, and when Cas stumbled to the kitchen to make tea, Chuck was still at home.

"Papa! Hey, shouldn't you be at work?"

His father looked up from his book. "Er - technically, yes. But I feel that people don't really need me today. I have my mobile, though," he added, waving it around. "In case somebody  _does_ need me."  
Cas nodded in understanding, and poured his tea.

"So," he began. "I'm going to a party tonight."

Behind him was the noise of coffee being choked on and hastily swallowed.

" _What!?"_

Cas turned around nervously. "Well - I was asked, and I have a couple of friends going and - "

His dad motioned for him to stop talking. "No, I was surprised that you want to go to a party. I'm not  _angry_ or anything. I think it's great. Just don't drive unless you're sober."

Castiel raised his eyebrows and nodded in affirmation.

*

"Castiel!"

Dean hadn't been at the party long, but long enough to have downed a couple of pumpkin-flavoured alcoholic drinks in a bid to feel less uncomfortable. A girl had stumbled up to him a few minutes earlier, already smashed, and tried to flirt with him. When he conveyed his disinterest, she made a pouty face, and left in search of a different target.

But now - 

Now, Cas was here.

"Cas, you look great!"

Cas shrugged self-consciously. He was dressed in leather, and had a feathery pair of wings on his back. Dean looked him up and down.

"You're...you're  _Angel_? From  _Buffy_?"

Cas nodded, blushing.

 _This was a stupid costume idea,_ he thought.

"That's a fantastic costume idea!" Dean said.

"Well...thank you."

He now looked at Dean's costume. Dean was wearing a pale suit, covered in paint stains.

Castiel started to laugh.

"You're Van Gogh. That's adorable. I love it."

Dean laughed, too. "Yeah! Wanna see my art?"

He pulled out a piece of paper covered in scribbles of ducks with human legs. Castiel doubled over, wheezing.

"What..." he panted, "the  _fuck_."

Carrie came over, then, dressed in a satiny dress made of deep purple, wearing a cloak, and looking extremely witchy.

"What are you two laughing at? Nice costume, by the way, Cas."

Dean showed her the paper, and once she'd finished laughing, she led the way to the drinks table so Cas could try the pumpkin spice latte vodka. 

A girl appeared at Carrie's elbow, dressed in a shimmery gold costume that clung to her hips and waist. Carrie spun around.

"Lane!"

Lane smiled coyly. "Hi, Carrie. Dean, do you and your...'friend' mind if I whisk Carrie away? I promise I won't take her  _too_ far."

Dean nodded. "Go for it." 

Cas got himself a drink, and Dean had another. 

"This is surprisingly ok," Castiel said, sipping at the vodka. "Sweet, but still enough vodka to get drunk."

He finished his glass, and, boldened by the alcohol, stepped in towards Dean so that their chests nearly touched.

The music was loud, and Castiel could feel it reverberating inside him. 

"Dance with me?"

Dean placed his drink on the table, and took Cas' hands in his.

"It would be my pleasure."

They joined the large group of people dancing, and swayed. Somebody bumped into them, and giggled. "Y'all are shit at dancing."

They laughed, and agreed.

The song finished, and they kept dancing, laughing at each other, Castiel's cheekbones at the height of Dean's chin.

Finally, they broke apart, exhausted. 

"You want to go outside?" Dean asked. Cas nodded, and they slipped through the sliding door.

In the garden, the air was fresh, and cool on their warm cheeks. There were twinkling spider lights winding around trees, and a skeleton sat on a bench.

"Jaime really gets into this whole Halloween thing," Dean said, sitting next to the skeleton. Castiel joined him, and they sat hip-to-hip.

Cas, head light, rested his chin on his hand, and looked at Dean, who was watching the sky. When he glanced down at Castiel, they both blushed.

"What are you thinking about?" Dean asked.

"I'm thinking about how much I like you."

They were silent, both shocked at the ease with which Cas had replied.

"Castiel. I...I think you're incredible. You're unique, and intelligent, and funny, and fucking beautiful. You make great pasta, and you have soft lips. And I...really enjoyed kissing them. Kissing you. Dammit, Cas, I'm more than a little drunk right now, but everything I'm saying is true.

"When I got home on Wednesday, I found out that Sammy'd had a panic attack. He used to get them a lot. He's an anxious kid. Dad was already home, and looking after him, and he knew that I hadn't been there. He was really mad. He...told me that I neglected my duty. That I had to look after Sammy.

"And I do! Sammy is my responsibility. And...I've been so scared of him being hurt again, that I tried to stop myself wanting you, but...it didn't work.

"Cas, I want to be yours. I want us to be together. But I'm scared of Sammy getting hurt again. So...if - if we were together, would you understand that I would need to care for Sammy? Make sure he's ok? That he'd be my top priority?"

 

Cas nodded. "Of course, Dean, you fucking dimwit. Of course I understand."

Dean's face lit up.

"Then...Castiel Novak, will you be my boyfriend?"

 Castiel nodded. "Yes, I will. Dean Winchester, may I kiss you?"

Dean responded by leaning forward and pressing his mouth into Cas'. The kiss was long, and sweet, and it tasted of vodka. They moved closer, fingers twining together, bodies pressed against each other. 

"God, get a room."

They sprang apart guiltily. Carrie was standing before them, smirking. Her lipstick was smudged.

"I"m just teasing. I'm glad you sorted your shit out. I just wanted to say, I'm going to go back to Lane's house with her. Are you two ok to be here alone?"  
They nodded.

"Good luck!" Cas called, as she left. She waved, and disappeared.

"Cas..."

Castiel looked up at Dean. "Yes?"

"Would you...like to come home with me?"

Cas' eyes widened.

"I-" 

"Nobody else is home," Dean said hastily. "Dad and Sammy are out of town for Halloween."

Cas kissed Dean's cheek.

"Yes. I would like to come home with you."  
Dean grinned.

"Happy Halloween, Angel boy."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ok so things are happy again  
> it wasn't super halloweeny? sorry  
> anyway hopefully the next chapter will be written when i'm actually awake, and things will make more sense.  
> i hope u enjoyed, happy halloween!  
> EDIT:  
> I've now edited this chapter for clarity, added some more halloweeny shit, and more cute shit.  
> enjoy u3u


	7. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HO-HO-HOMOS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i said that the next chapter would be when i'm awake but i'm actually very sick and have been a little delirious today so i'm beginning to see a sort of pattern here  
> so sorry that i haven't updated in a long while - i've been really busy (plus i've been watching YOI)  
> enjoy, and happy holidays/christmas/hannukah!

**Halloween**

 

_They barely made it to the car. Dean was holding Cas' hand and dancing around, swooping in for kisses regularly. They giggled and spun and kissed and giggled. Cas texted Chuck, asking him to pick the car up at some point, and then turned his phone off._

_"Just you and me, baby," he said, grinning. Dean beamed, and kissed him sloppily, nearly missing his mouth._

_The Impala pulled into Dean's driveway, and Dean stumbled out, making it to Cas' door in time to open it for him._

_"Why thank you, kind sir," Cas jested, before falling delicately into Dean's arms._

_"So, this is my place."_

_Cas laughed. "Well, I'd hope so,"_

_Dean's room was nothing like Cas would have expected - the walls were painted soft blue, and there was a string of fairy lights hung above the curtain frame._

_"Wow, Dean "Tough Guy" is a hipster!"_

_Dean blushed, and pulled Cas onto the bed._

_"Shut up, angel boy," he said fondly._

_Castiel kissed him in response._

* * *

**22nd December**

 

"Dean?" Castiel rolled over. Dean mumbled in his sleep beside him before opening his eyes sleepily

"What is it, baby?"

Castiel kissed his forehead. "I have to go."

Dean groaned. "Nooo, stay here with me,"

Cas smiled. "You know that I'd like to, but I have work."

Dean nodded. "Grab some tea on your way out. I'll see you later." He stretched up and kissed Cas soundly before dropping back to the bed, asleep once more.

Castiel snorted. "Romance," he muttered.

***

'Work' was at the art store. Castiel loved being around the smell of paper all day, and spent a lot of his free time behind the counter, doodling.

"Who's that?"

An elderly man holding several fine paintbrushes peered over the counter.

Castiel blushed.

"Uh, that's my boyfriend," he said, his voice lilting up at the end as if he were posing a question, not answering one.

The man nodded wistfully.

"He's beautiful. My Cooper was beautiful, too." He paused, and then added sadly, "Until he was deported."  

He smiled weakly up at Cas. "You hold that boy close and never let go, hear me?"

Castiel, surprised by the intimacy of the short conversation, nodded, dumbstruck.

"Ok. Good. How much will these be?"

Castiel rung him up, and was pleased to discover that there was a sale on the brushes. The man thanked him, and left.

_Hold that boy close and never let go._

_Yes, sir._

***

Cas' Christmas shopping was over speedily,  _thank god_ , and he lugged the bags into his room for wrapping. At about 8:00 pm, Papa came home, and Cas could hear him clattering around in the kitchen.

"Hey, Papi," Cas greeted him when he emerged. "How was work?"

Chuck was worn out. "Horrible. People get antsy around this time of year, expecting things from me."

Cas patted his shoulder sympathetically, and poured a couple of mugs of tea.

"I have plans with Dean tonight, but I could postpone? We could order a pizza and have a night in, if you'd like."

Chuck beamed. "Please."

***

**Christmas**

 

Christmas morning was gloomy and dark, with a light smattering of snowfall. Castiel and Chuck sat in the lounge with  _The Joshua Tree_ record on, humming along to U2.

Castiel tore open the present from Chuck.

"Are you - are you serious? This is real?" He asked, mouth hanging open more than a little.

Chuck laughed, and nodded.

"Go on, try it out!"

Cas fiddled with the settings before taking a shot of Chuck. The film camera hummed, and Cas grinned.

"Ok, your turn, open the present from me," Castiel urged.

Chuck was more careful with the wrapping paper, trying to preserve the bee pattern that Castiel had chosen so meticulously.

"Oh, Cas," he said, eyes shiny. "You - " he didn't finish his sentence, just wrapped Castiel in a hug.

The package was full of stones - ("No wonder it was so heavy," Chuck said) gemstones, raw stones, tumbled stones, and spools of wire. Chuck's greatest hobby was jewellery making - a simple pastime to some, but to Chuck, the most beautiful and calming process in the world.

"Thanks, sweets," he whispered huskily, before pulling back to stare at them again.

*

Carrie's and Dean's arrivals brought more cheer to the house, and soon it was full of laughter. Dean unwrapped his present to find several old records (Guns'N'Roses, Kansas, and U2), a new string of fairy lights, and a packet of lavender seeds.

"Thanks, baby," he grinned, pecking Cas on the cheek and handing him his present.

"Extra film!" He squinted suspiciously from Chuck to Dean, and back again.

"You two were in cahoots!"

Their smug grins confirmed their guilt, and Cas kissed Dean in gratitude.

Carrie opened her presents, thrilled to find a witch's pendant, a book, and (from Chuck) a ring set with an amethyst.

The smattering of snow outside started to come down harder, and they settled into armchairs with tea and hot chocolate, talking and reading and "being a goddamn photographer, angel,".

When the sky turned dark, they all said their goodbyes, Dean sneaking an extra kiss in. "See you tonight," he whispered, before driving off in his Impala.

Castiel opened the door to him again a little after midnight, greeting him with a long kiss.

Dean gasped when they entered Cas' room.

"Wow, Castiel," he breathed.

Fairy lights adorned the walls, and there was soft music playing. 

"Happy Christmas, Winchester," Castiel said, draping himself over the bed, and looking at Dean in a daring manner.

"Well, if you insist," Dean said, grinning.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOOOOO BOY hoo boy g00d sh!!it!!  
> ok well i hope it was up to my usual standard (sike! don't have a usual standard!)  
> i hope u enjoyed the boys getting it on as much as i di(i'll stop there as i think i'm digging myself a hole)  
> until next time!


	8. tired eyes and heavy hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John disappears, and Dean goes to look for him. Cas stays, offering to look after Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm giving up. I'll never write a chapter   
> -fully conscious  
> -fully healthy  
> -on a regular basis.  
> That being said !! I hope you enjoy this i-can't-sleep-hmm-i-should-write-destiel chapter

Snow was falling softly in the streets. The sky was clouded, but there was a patch to the east where a few stars shone through. Castiel, unable to sleep, was sitting at his desk, painting a ginger cat. He finished it, and inked one word in the corner. "Dean". 

Looking up, he gazed into the night, watching as a couple of moths, braving the cold, fluttered around a streetlight across the road. The digital clock on his desk beeped once - midnight. He stretched. The thought of school being over was so surreal. He was expected to be an adult, now.   
 _What the fuck do adults do?_ He thought to himself as he packed up his brushed, washing each of them in a jar of clean water before wiping them clean with a rag.  _Get tattoos? Get a cat? Get married?_  
A tattoo...that didn't sound too unobtainable. He traced a bee on his wrist with his index fingers, thinking about colours and shapes.  
  


Another hour passed before he finally moved from his spot at the window, and got into bed. The sheets were cold, and he shuddered. He shut his tired eyes, and let his thoughts drift away, and sleep carry him beyond.

_beep!_

Cas started. Was that his clock, beeping? His eyes strained to see the time, but they were shutting again, he was so tired, so...

_beep!_

He was awake. It was his phone. A message - no, two messages - from Dean. Why was Dean awake? It was 3am, for pete's sake.

"If this is about some sappy thought you had, I swear to god, Winchester," Cas grumbled as he selected the messages to read.

_Cas - dad's missing. Sammy is scared out of his wits. I have to find him - he's gone away before, but not without telling me first. He's not answering his phone. I can't leave Sam alone. Could you come over and look after him?_

Castiel messaged back as he got dressed, flinging sweaters and jeans on, and grabbing his rucksack as he pulled on socks.

He left a note on the kitchen table before heading outside, rushing, but making sure to lock the door behind him.

*

"Dean!"

Castiel leapt out of his car to grasp his boyfriend's hands. "Will you be ok?" 

Dean nodded, jaw set. 

"Yes, I'll be fine. I'll be in touch. Just...look after Sammy."

Cas inclined his head. "Of course."

Dean placed a kiss on his forehead. "Thanks, angel. I'll see you soon."

Sam wandered out of the front door in his bare feet and pajamas as Dean drove away.

"Hey," he said softly to Castiel. 

Cas smiled gently down at the kid. "Hey."

By late morning, Cas was asleep in Dean's bed, Sam curled up beside him. They'd been sitting there, talking. Sam was afraid. 

"I have a heavy heart, Cas," he'd said, eyes serious and voice quavering.

"I know, Sammy," Castiel replied. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Sam talked until his voice grew hoarse and his eyes were heavy, too, and then he fell asleep, arms around a pillow. Castiel watched him for a time, until he was certain he was sleeping soundly, and then let his head fall onto the pillows, too. He watched the fairy lights, artificial mimics of stars, and let his eyelids cloud them over.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a n g s t  
> this, too, shall pass. the fluff will return. i hope this chapter was ok (i've done a lot of work today and think i've forgotten how to read so idk this could in actuality be a recipe for troll juice. if it is, i hope it's beneficial to all your troll juice needs).


	9. what's on your mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas' conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is castiel and sam's conversation from last night ( i was super tired and didn't want to write it)

_"I have a heavy heart."_

_Sam fidgeted. Castiel looked at him with sorrowful eyes._

_"I know, Sam. Why don't you tell me about it?"_

_So he did. He took a breath and said the things he'd been bottling up in jars too small for their contents._

_"At my old school, I was bullied. It's because I stand up for people, but not for myself. I have anxiety - I think you know that - and it stops me from doing a lot of things. I'm scared to talk to people that I don't know, I'm scared of being alone, I'm scared of everything. Sometimes after school I come home and I run to the bathroom and I vomit. Sometimes for only a few minutes, sometimes for hours. Dean has to come sit with me and make sure I keep drinking water, and rub my back._

_"I cry a lot, too. I think that's one of the reasons people picked on me so much - they knew that they'd get a reaction. But sometimes when I get too anxious, instead of vomiting or crying, I get angry. I beat up a kid - June - because they were picking on me and I couldn't bear it. I know that isn't really an excuse, but I just got so afraid that I hit out at them, and it shut them up, and I just kept hitting."_

_Sam paused to wipe his face. Tears had begun to form and to fall, and his attempts to keep his voice steady were failing._

_"I broke their nose and two of their ribs before they pulled me off them. They had to go to hospital. On that day that I had a panic attack and dad shouted at Dean - the reason for my panic attack is because I saw June in town, when I was on the bus home. They were healed up, of course, but their nose was a little wonky, and they looked at the bus and they **saw me** , Cas. They saw me and the look in their eyes was the worst part because they didn't look angry. They looked scared."_

_A deep breath. Another one. He'd started this, he could continue it._

_"I don't want to be looked at like that. I don't want to be like my dad."_

_The sobbing started, not allayed by the breaths he'd taken._

_"I don't want to be like him! Dean is -" he cried into his hands for a bit before he could speak. "Dean is so scared of him, Castiel. He wasn't happy when Dean came out as bi. But the thing is - Dean feels he's indebted to him - I'm not sure why - but he does. So he went after him, and he's worried sick. I'm scared that if he doesn't find dad, he's going to do something stupid."_

_He started crying again. Castiel pulled him into a hug, and Sam sunk into his shoulder. "Sorry - " he sobbed, over and over._

_"It's ok. It's ok."_

_Sam talked some more after that - about his friends at school, about Madeline and about how she had a crush on him and everybody expected him to reciprocate but really Sam just wanted friendship._

_"It makes me so anxious to think that I'm expected to kiss people. I actually thought, until Dean met you, that people just faked attraction. Then I saw how you two are around each other and knew it couldn't be true. But - is there something wrong with me? I don't like girls and I don't like boys and I don't like people outside of the binary - really, I just want a dog. But, not to be in a relationship with, I'm not a furry. To be a companion. Do you get what I mean? Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm spiraling, you probably don't have a clue what I'm on ab-"_

_Cas interrupted. "I get you. My brother, Alfie, he's the same way. Or - was. He died a few years ago" ("I'm so sorry," Sam said. "No, it's ok. He was just at the wrong time in the wrong place.") "He never wanted a romantic or sexual relationship. He was interested in bees. He's the reason I paint them."_

_Sam was quiet for a few minutes. The only sound was the cold winter wind outside, rushing the timbers._

_"So, you're saying...it's normal? I'm not the only one who feels like this?"_

_Cas smiled. "What is normal? But no, you're not. It's called being_ aromantic asexual _, or_ aro ace _, if you want to google it sometime."_

_Sam nodded. "Thank you."_

_Castiel lay back on Dean's bed and looked at the ceiling. Sam joined him, tucking his feet under a blanket, talking about anxieties and hopes, and science and dogs, his voice growing fainter and quieter until it ceased, and he fell asleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ?????????????????????????????????????? angsty sammy. aro ace sammy. sad sammy. profound sammy. you get it all tonight, my dudes.


End file.
